There is no perfect time to have a miscarriage nor lose any loved one. However, I feel like God has given me an answer as to why it happened in the timing that it did. Let me give you some background. I went off of birth control in June and found out I was pregnant at the end of July. We have never gotten pregnant on the first try so we were surprised that it happened so quickly, but also very happy. I never had the full onslaught of nausea that I did with the girls and at around week 9, my pregnancy symptoms began to come and go. Therefore, I had reservations about my pregnancy for several weeks before I had any "diagnosis." Our baby stopped growing and died around week 6 so why did it take another 5 weeks for my body to recognize that? That is a question that I asked God the other day. His answer to me was why His timing of my miscarriage was the perfect timing. Here's several reasons why:
1) My family had actually been going through another very painful situation a couple of weeks prior to our miscarriage. I started a Bible study by Aprile Sweers on the life of Joseph and what it means to live in the shelter of a sovereign God. I really thought that what I would learn would apply to the situation our family was already going through. I was completely unaware of what I really think it was intended for. It was on the Wednesday of the second week of the study that we found out our baby was no longer alive. It was a HUGE blow, but I had God's Word to shelter me. Week 2 was even more encouraging. I wish I could adequately put into words how much I feel like this Bible study is God's unfailing compassion wrapped up like a present for me. It has been a balm to my aching heart. I would not have been as emotionally & spiritually equipped to handle our loss if I wasn't presently marinating in the very subject that God was making us live through. There are several verses that have ministered to me:
"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:17-18)
"He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful." (John 15:2)
"These have come so that your faith-of greater worth than gold-may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed" (1 Peter 1:7)
"Now if we are children, then we are heirs-heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." (Romans 8:17-18)And probably one of my favorites:
"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;...Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love." (Lamentations 3: 21-25, 33)
The one truth that I am really holding tight to right now is that God is going to do something great for His name because of our pain. My desire is that not only is he currently planting seeds in our hearts, but in so many more so that out of those seeds of grief, we would become more fruitful witnesses for Christ. I want this pruning to be purposeful beyond our grief.
2) God's compassion was shown in His perfect timing because George had the week off to work on our rental house. He was able to go with me to the doctor's appointment so I wouldn't be alone. We really weren't anticipating bad news, but I am so grateful I wasn't there to receive it alone.
3) The doctor who delivered the bad news was the same one who delivered Hannah and Kate. He literally saved their lives and is the most compassionate doctor I have ever met. I was scheduled with him and he grieved the loss with us. It was also him that was able to do the surgery at such short notice. We couldn't have asked for a better doctor to walk through that with us.
4) Just two weeks prior to our miscarriage, I found out that our neighbors' daughter had also miscarried. I had thought about wanting to write her a letter, but I didn't. With very fresh grief over our loss, I decided that that was enough motivation to share God's comfort with someone that I'm not sure even believes in God. I have never met this woman and I don't even know her name, but I wrote a letter and gave her a book on knowing for sure that our babies are in heaven with Jesus. I'm not sure what God will do in her heart, but I want to make the most of every opportunity to comfort those with the comfort I have received. (2 Corinthians 1:4).
I don't know what the Lord's plans are for our future as far as growing our family. I try not to dwell on that as I don't want to enter a season of discontentment as we wait. God has us where we are now and I can already begin to see tiny buds of the fruit that He is already growing out of our loss.
I would highly encourage you (especially you ladies) to at least watch the videos of Aprile's lessons. I promise that you will be blessed by them. You may not currently be walking through any trials, but when you do, I think that you will be so glad that you have a foundation for the truth of God's sovereignty over any situation in your life. Her website is www.aprilesweers.com/fall-study-resources/ .
Thank you for allowing me to share what God is doing in our lives. It provides me with comfort to know that a baby that I will never meet this side of heaven has touched so many lives. God does have a purpose for each child He creates. Until I get there, my sweet baby is resting in the arms of my Savior and there is not a more peaceful, perfect place for him or her to be.
Please keep praying for us. It provides us with strength to know that you are going to the throne of grace on our behalf.