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Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Homesick

This is one of those posts where I'm going to get down and dirty with you. I'll tell you what's been on my heart lately & there's a lot. If you could describe me in one word right now, it would be homesick. Do I have a house to live in? Yes. Do I feel like it's home? No. Am I grateful beyond words that my parents would welcome the Lantz circus into their home? Yes! One of the reasons that I failed to post anything for about a week was because of the funk that I was in. I was really struggling last week and still find myself struggling this week, but not as much. Have you ever gone on a vacation for longer than a week? Usually by the end of that week, you are itching to get home. That's how I feel, just on a more amplified level. My parents' house is not supposed to be our permanant living space. You are supposed to go over to visit the grandparents and then go back home. We're not supposed to share a room with our girls. (We do sleep in different rooms. Their cribs for naptime are in our room and their pack n' plays are in the next room for nighttime sleep.) I want to go home.

George and I looked at houses yesterday and before we even started I just felt so tired. We both commented yesterday about how tired of this process we are. The house that we still really want is available. The seller has come down $10,000 in price from the asking price of when we put in an offer. However, we need her to come down at least another $10,000. She had an open house with no luck. She's even advertised that she can close in 30 days! This would be perfect. It just seems so far out of reach though. Every house seems to these days. Can you tell that I'm a little discouraged at this point? We've been at this for about 5 months now. It's emotionally draining.

Bear with me as I continue on in my pity party. As I was putting the girls into their cribs for a nap today, I just started crying. Hannah was reaching for her crib because she was tired and all I could think was, "I'm sorry honey. I wish so badly that you could sleep every sleep in your crib." I want our furniture back. I want our privacy back. I don't mean privacy from my parents. I mean from the girls. My parents are wonderful! If they weren't, we wouldn't be staying here. Last week, I had a two hour sobfest. I thought once I had that out of my system that I would be okay, but I'm still struggling.

I'm the type of person that needs stability. I need organization. Not only do I feel like all of our stuff is disorganized, but that I'm living in a constant state of disorganization. Not a good feeling for a neat freak. It's overwhelming.

I know that many of you have been praying for us to find a house. Those prayers are so appreciated! Can I ask you to pray for something very specific? Can you pray that God would move the heart and mind of the seller of the house to come down $10,000? I'm asking for that specific amount because when God answers it (in whatever way he sees fit to), we will clearly know what God's answer was.

I appreciate you bearing through my honesty. A lot of times people comment on the fact that they don't know how I do it everyday with twins. I think that sometimes people think that I have it more together than I really do. This last couple of weeks though, I've just been barely scraping by it seems. So if my honesty makes you feel a little bit better about your own disorganized life, then mission accomplished. I don't want to pretend to be someone I'm not.

Thank God that He is a constant rock and a firm foundation throughout trials. I can stand firmly on His faithfulness because He has delivered us before and He will deliver us again!

5 comments:

  1. Will be praying for you girl!! I know how days like that can go..we feel inadequate to get thru the day. Praying the Lord will guide you exactly where he wants you and the house he wants you in at the right moment!

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  2. Lauren, we are praying that you find a house so we will definitely make those prayers more specific and pray that the seller drops the price the $10,000! I'm praying for you, too, that God will give you an extra boost of strength and encouragement to get through this time in your life! I can only imagine how hard this has been for you and I appreciate your real-ness so much!

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  3. We're still praying for you that this house becomes available to you or if not something else very soon... I somewhat understand the state of limbo and discouragement you find yourself in being we lived no where permanent ever since we have been married, we moved at least 5 or 6 times within four years, and for a year I was back with my parents while he was in Japan. I know it is even harder with children that you want to provide a home and a routine for. I will be praying for you all that this temporary/vacation feel is over soon for you. Thanks for your honesty, I wish I had that strength sometimes instead of just keeping it inside to appear "fine".

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  4. Nanny & GrampyMarch 25, 2010 at 7:10 AM

    Take it hour by hour and He will sustain you. Let us know anything we can do, other than praying, we are doing that.

    Love you

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  5. Kinda crazy how not too long ago, it used to be the norm for generations to all live together. But at least they knew their setup! Everyone can relate to the too long of a vacation/overstaying your welcome feel! Not fun! And for added pressure... kids usually react much more to their mother's emotions than to the situation itself. Mothers have such tough jobs!!! You're doing awesome though (just by the fact that they get an awesome account of everything by this blog!) - and I'm sure you'll later think the wait was more than worth it!!

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