Let me take you back to a year ago. It was a perfectly "normal" day on bedrest in the hospital. I had many visitors because it was Labor Day (how ironic) and there was no hint of any coming excitement. I downed my Chick-fil-a fried chicken salad and perhaps maybe even overate (what pregnant woman doesn't?). The reason I can tell you that I may have overeaten was because I was re-tasting that salad as I lay on the operating room table wanting to pass out. Then what none of us had prepared for, yet God foreknew, quickly came to happen. I can still remember it like it was yesterday, yet it seems so long ago. I still remember the nurses coming to whisk me away to labor & delivery to monitor me...No, wait...to deliver me. I can still remember George talking on the phone to our parents saying, "It's go time." All of this just after 11:00 p.m. I remember all of the poking and prodding and my body going into what I can probably only explain maybe as shock as I began to shake uncontrollably. I remember waking up and feeling an excruciating pain and my babies being gone, but honestly, no desire to see them. I often look back on that night and think, "Lauren, these were your firstborn and long prayed for children. You didn't even know if they would survive the night. How could you not be ripping out IVs and catheters to go down to see them?" I've talked myself down from the guilt knowing full well that I was on some strong pain medication and was just coming out of anesthesia. Then, when I finally did get to see them, not feeling much connection with babies (but they were MY babies) laying inside a little glass box. Then after many weeks and daily trips to the NICU, I finally got to bring those babies home.
What a year it has been...BUT GOD HAS BEEN ENOUGH. Do you ever just have one of those years where you look back on it and wonder where all the time has gone and how in the world you got through it? I remember days feeling like they would never grow past 3 lbs and then 8 lbs. They would never learn how to roll over or we would never get through a day without projectile vomiting and spit up. Now I can barely even imagine what it was like to hold a 1 lb and 2 lb baby. I feel sad that it's hard for me to remember those moments (thank God for modern technology), but am so excited to see Hannah and Kate grow up. They are precious. I love being their mom. God couldn't have blessed me with two sweeter girls. Had you told me that one year ago tonight at 11:55 that the teeny babies being pulled out of my stomach
I love you, Hannah & Kate. You make me so proud to be your mommy! I couldn't imagine my life without you and I pray that your smiles would continue to light up people's hearts and be a reminder that HE IS ABLE!
P.S. Still working on their birthday party pictures. Should be up soon!