"Hawk-ward" is how my Hannah says it, but awkward is a good word to describe how people feel sometimes when they get an answer they weren't expecting. It might also be a good word to describe how I feel answering them. I guess it might help if you knew the question.
"How many kids do you have?" OR the one I got asked tonight, "So you guys having any more kids?"
Let me be VERY clear when I say that I in no way hold it against anyone who asks the second question. No one really knows what is going on. I think I feel more sorry for them when they feel so bad for asking the question. In that instant that it takes before I answer, I have a small internal struggle. Do I give them the truth? Do I lie and say I only have 3 kids so I don't have to explain? Is it fair to deny my precious two children already in heaven?
My answer generally depends on who is asking and where I'm at at the time. For instance, the lady giving me a pedicure the other day probably did not need to hear personal details about my life. I came in to relax, not relive fresh grief. However, tonight at church, I was involved in a conversation about my children and she asked if we were having more. I struggled to answer for a second and then decided to just tell the truth. I explained that we had just lost a baby a couple of weeks ago. She, of course, apologized and said she felt so bad for asking. I told her it was fine (and really it was my choice to answer the way I did) and that the Bible study we had all just come out of was God's way of working through my pain.
Still, I think that A LOT of women struggle with how to answer that question. If I were completely honest with people, I have 5 children. I have 3 living children and 2 in heaven. Never quite imagined that our family would ever contain that many children and we don't have plans to stop there. I won't tell you the right way or the wrong way. It's each person's choice as to how they answer that question. And you are not denying those babies in heaven if you choose to give the easy answer.
Although, answering those questions honestly gives me the opportunity to tell others of God's faithfulness. If you find yourself on the opposite side and you are the one doing the asking, you don't have to apologize for asking the question. Your intentions were pure. You can always simply reply with, "I'm sorry for your loss. How can I pray for you?"