Lilypie Second Birthday tickers

Lilypie Second Birthday tickers

Monday, October 7, 2013

Don't Stop Believin'

I believe it was the very first week that I began the Bible study on Joseph that Aprile mentioned that God performed no miracles (acts that defy the laws of nature and are unexplainable) in Joseph's story.  However, He chose to work through everyday, ordinary circumstances.  I have been holding so tightly to that truth because I can CLEARLY see how God has had His hand in the everyday details of my life.  From seeing the right doctor to already being in a Bible study that would bring exactly the right truths to soothe my grief.  As I sit here and write this, I am overwhelmed with God's goodness.  Yes, I hurt and my pain is still very real, especially as I think about a precious sister in Christ who is facing her own uncertainty about her baby.  But I know that deep within the pit of my hurt, God is deeper still (Thank you, Aprile).

Yesterday, in our Bible fellowship class, we discussed the story of a Roman royal official who was seeking Jesus's healing of his sick son.  The story is found in John 4:43-54.  The verse that stuck out to me the most was Jesus's reply in 4:48,
"Unless you people see miraculous signs and wonders," Jesus told him, "you will never believe." 
I have always just taken that verse to mean that Jesus was chastising the Jewish officials because they refused to believe without miracles & wonders.  That's partly right, but having been through and still walking through this trial, I see more to it.  I see Jesus also encouraging us to see His faithfulness and Hand in my everydays.

God chose not to sustain our baby's life.  And as I told Hannah and Kate last night when they repeatedly asked me why Jesus didn't keep our baby alive, I don't know have an answer as to why.  I may never know the grand scope of His plan, but I see bits & pieces of it.  I see it through my own refinement process and through the blessing of encouraging other women going through the same pain.  If God had given us that miracle and saved our baby, I would have not seen the BEAUTY (and if His faithfulness is that beautiful here, imagine what it will be like when we come face to face with it) of His intimate involvement in my daily walk with Him.

So, I'm not sure the true, genuine, lasting belief comes through the big miraculous signs and wonders.  It comes through the choice to daily look for God's faithfulness in the small things.  Things we take for granted.  Things that I could easily have written off as coincidence.  David wrote in Psalm 139 how God has ordained all of my days and He has written them in his book.  He knows my going out and my lying down.  Do I have enough faith to believe that God is just as involved in the big stuff as He is in the quiet gentleness of getting me excited about a Bible study that He knows will help to heal my aching hurt or knowing exactly when the right timing was for my body to begin to recognize the baby needed to come out?

One of our friends from bible fellowship class pointed out yesterday that Hannah and Kate are also perfect examples of this.  God could have chosen to heal Hannah in my womb so that they would be born full-term, but He didn't.  He used everyday, normal medical technology to save their lives.  We wouldn't have started our NICU support group and been able to share His work in our daughters' lives had He chosen to provide one miraculous healing.  I know that is really hard to see when you are in the midst of a trial, but I'll take you back to Lamentations 3:22-23,

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning, great is your faithfulness."

Here is a beautiful song that reminds me daily that God is for me.  Enjoy!

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