To My Fully Restored & Perfected Babies,
Today might be the official day to remember you, but know that your mommy thinks about you everyday. While some of the wounds of losing you have healed, it feels like many of them were so recently ripped open. I miss you like crazy, but I know that you are whole in the Lord's presence. While I have to be honest and admit that there are completely selfish parts of me that just wanted you to stay here with us, I can find peace in knowing that you are with my Savior and your Creator. You do not share my hurt and my pain because there is no pain where you are. You know the full joy of Jesus and I am jealous. I wish that losing you didn't tear me to pieces like it did. Jesus has a reason for my pain though. Maybe you already know why. Maybe God has given you a glimpse of what He's doing to reveal His glory through your short life. I never even imagined that I would have my some of my babies in heaven to greet me. It's not something that any mommy wants to happen.
The greatest blessing I have as your mommy is knowing that God used you. God has used you to draw me near to Him and know Him as a sovereign God who is intimately involved in my life. He used you to prepare me for the difficulty of having twins and their struggle in the early months of their life. He has used you to soften my heart towards countless women and families as they also walk journeys of losing their babies. He used you to produce hope in my heart and to share it with other women. While you are already conformed to the image of Christ, He still has a lot of work to do on mommy.
Some people may think that your short life was a waste of time and that my tears for you are silly because I never got to meet you or know you. However, because of you, I know my God in ways that other people don't. You were perfect gifts from God at the perfect time in the perfect way. Your death was not a punishment to you or me or your father, but a sign that God still loves us because those He loves, He disciplines and refines. I can't say that I very much like the process, but I do love Him and I trust Him.
So go run, leap, dance before the throne of Jesus. I love you.